Finding the Balance
by MarillaT'Pel
Summary: Stiles isn't Derek's anchor, but he is something very important. Sorry for the lame title, I'm awful with titles.


Hey, first time Sterek writer here! I've read many stories where Stiles is Derek's anchor, and they're awesome, but I wanted to try something a little different. So, here's a late Valentine's Day story. Please let me know how I did.

There are a few details that are different from the show. On of the things I don't care for about Teen Wolf is how many young characters have been killed off, so I wanted that different for this story.

* * *

Derek wasn't sure when it originally happened. He'd known that Stiles had a crush on him for a long time. He'd smelled major lust on the boy the moment they'd met, and the closer proximity that circumstances caused had only made it stronger. He could also tell when Stiles began to care for him, more than just a concerned citizen would, at least. A lot of that had been stunted by his own misguided and poorly planned actions; being tough on Scott and trying to make him join his pack, trying to kill Jackson on Peter's orders, trying to kill Lydia because he thought she was the Kanima, actually killing Jackson for being the Kanima, again with Peter's influence, and turning three kids who really weren't prepared for the responsibility that came with the power and had abused it, sometimes on Stiles. One offense had followed another, all of them shaking whatever faith Stiles had in him.

Derek had done his best to straighten things out, and not just for Stiles; how he felt about him just made it clearer how badly things needed to change. He'd been extremely fortunate about most of it; Erica and Boyd had come crawling back to him after being caught and rescued from a pack of alphas, and Isaac had chosen Scott for a role model and begun to imitate his selfless attitude. Isaac also started dating Allison, something that almost drove a rift between him and Scott.

The fact that he'd failed to kill Lydia, and that her love have revived Jackson had also been extremely lucky, otherwise he would have had no chance at redemption in Stiles' eyes. He'd mended things there by helping Jackson master his wolf side and giving Lydia a sincere apology, along with a pledge to all of them that he would never act so rashly again. Even if Stiles wasn't in love with Lydia anymore, and he never really cared for Jackson, he'd never have forgiven Derek if he did anything against either of them. It was almost for nothing when the combined force of the aforementioned alpha pack and an evil druid almost killed them all. He'd hoped this would bring his pack and Scott's makeshift one closer together, but in the end, he lost his alpha status saving his long lost sister, and Scott's unfailing goodness gave him his.

Scott had become their new alpha, to all but Peter, Aiden, and Ethan, the two remaining members of the alpha pack who'd had a change of heart about following Ducalian. He had no idea where Peter was, and Aiden and Ethan hung around in the hopes that Scott would change his mind. There had also been a near conflict when Jackson had returned, prompting Lydia to break things off with Aiden abruptly. Aiden had been forced to try and move on with his life. Ethan was still with Danny, who was in on the secret now.

So much had happened over the course of two years. Friendships had been made and tested, and almost broken at some points. Derek had gone from a beta to a lone alpha, to an alpha with a very unstable pack, and back to a beta again, almost sinking to omega status. Now Scott was his alpha, and he relied heavily on Derek's judgment as one of the few born werewolves he knew as he worked to lead the pack and get through his first year of veterinary school. Stiles was quickly working his way up to becoming a powerful emmisary, studying under Alan Deaton while also going for a major in criminology. Both were jobs well suited to him. The pack had all opted to stick to schools in the state so they could stay close to each other.

Of all the changes that had happened since Derek had returned to Beacon Hills, one thing that had remained constant was the state of instant arousal that Stiles was in whenever they were around each other. Derek wasn't stupid; Stiles was only eighteen, and he still stared and babbled awkwardly around other attractive people and got turned on by provocative images. But he also knew that Stiles was still a virgin. He knew there had been opportunity, that Stiles had gone out with other people and turned them down because he was still holding on to some hope for them to be together. Derek knew he'd encouraged this belief by becoming more welcoming and open with him, sharing details about his life, his preferences, even hanging out, just the two of them.

Sometimes he felt guilty for it, thinking that Stiles could move on and find someone who wasn't so damaged if he hadn't encouraged that crush. But at the same time, he couldn't help but hope. At first he'd denied it to himself. He'd thought Stiles was bad for him; nothing about the boy was anchor material. He was loud, rude, sometimes almost cruelly insensitive. Derek felt no calming effect near him, like he did with the rest of his pack. There was no sense of danger, but there wasn't a sense of safety either, not in the same way as the others. He did feel he could trust Stiles. Anyone who knew him would. He was loyal to a fault and too brave for his own good. And the way his scent made Derek feel...it was like he was a horny teen himself. It made him restless, made him want to do stupid, risky things to impress him. An anchor didn't do that. He remembered the time he'd confided in Cora about how his feelings for Stiles were something other than platonic.

_"Maybe he's your anchor." She suggested teasingly. Derek scowled._

_"He's not my anchor. He makes me feel nothing like an anchor should." Cora looked surprised._

_"You're not lying." She said, puzzled. "But, I see how you are with him. You care about him. You want him to be your mate. Shouldn't he make you feel that way if he's mate material?" Derek shrugged._

_"I thought so. I'm attracted to him. I feel safe with him, and wanted, and he has that pack feeling, but when it's just me and him, he doesn't make me feel very grounded." He sighed. "I have to figure it out before I do anything." Cora nodded slowly._

_"Okay." She said. Before she left, she added. "You know I just want you to be happy, right? We all do. You deserve it." Derek mustered up a smile for her._

_"Yeah, I know."_

Since then, he'd done his best to figure out how he felt about Stiles. The feeling persisted. He didn't know what to do. He'd always heard that a mate was the best kind of anchor there was. Though, most werewolves used their pack/family as a whole as their anchor, since just being a pair was almost as bad as being an omega. A full pack was the best thing for a werewolf's sanity. But no matter what he thought, no matter what lessons he recalled, he couldn't understand why Stiles could feel so safe, yet so unstable to him. He almost gave in and told Stiles to move on with his life after the last Christmas. Stiles had already been eighteen for months, and he and Derek had really begun dancing around each other, flirting a little and spending more time together. It was that Christmas that Derek learned the real extent of Stiles feelings for him. They'd had the party at his rebuilt house, since it was bigger than everyone else's by far.

_Derek had gone into the kitchen to get himself a beer, when he realized that Stiles had followed him. The music, tv, and talking in the living room ensured that no one might overhear._

_"Hey." Said Stiles with a grin. He nodded up at something over Derek's head. Derek looked up and realized there was a sprig of mistletoe hanging there, plastic thankfully. Derek turned his attention back to Stiles just in time for the kiss. It was by far the most bold Stiles had been with him, at least romantically. It was tentative, giving him time to move away if he wanted, but he gave in instead. He wrapped his arms around Stiles' waist and deepened the kiss. Stiles' arms came up to circle his neck and he gave a little, happy moan. The kissing stayed relatively chaste, and they eventually pulled apart. Stiles moved back, a happy little grin on his face. He reached into the pocket of his ever present hoodie and pulled out a small box and a card with Derek's name on it. He handed them to Derek, who took them without a word._

_"Open it after the party." Said Stiles. "And please read the card first." With that, he went back into the living room, the only clue to his emotional state being his rapid heartbeat. Derek did his best to keep his own feelings under wraps for the rest of the evening, sneaking glances at Stiles every now and then, catching him doing the same. After everyone had said their goodbyes and left, after everything was cleaned up, Derek sat down on his couch with the box and the card. He opened the envelope and was surprised to see not a Christmas card, but an everyday, any occasion card with a black wolf on the front. The inside was filled, not with some factory printed well wishes but with Stiles surprisingly tidy handwriting._

_'Dear Sourwolf,_

_Yes, I know it's not a Christmas card, but it seemed to fit. You might be wondering what this is. Well, I've been wondering the same thing about us. We've both dropped hints for a while, if I've been reading things correctly, so this is me making a move in the direction I'd like things to go. If you're reading this, then I didn't chicken out and kissed you under the fake mistletoe tonight. That was me showing you a little about how I feel for you. And now this is to explain in greater detail._

_I understand the purpose of an anchor is to keep you from losing control. It might or might not surprise you, but I sometimes need anchors of my own. My mind can be it's own type of Hell sometimes. With the way my thoughts and feelings race and get twisted up in my head, it's hard to deal sometimes. By thinking about the people most important to me, my thoughts calm down enough for me to focus on doing what needs to be done. It took a while for me to realize it, but you are one of those few people that I can just think of and focus on. Somewhere along the line of all the crazy stuff that's happened since we met, you became one of the most important people in my life. You are one of the people I drive myself to succeed for. You are an anchor for me._

_I know where I want this to go. I want us to go out on real dates, no more hinting. I want us to get to know each other with the understanding that it is a real relationship. I can see myself with you, having that. I can even see myself falling completely in love with you. Not some obsessive, idealistic thing like I had with Lydia, but mutual, reciprocated, take-the-bad-with-the-good love. And I can see you feeling exactly the same way about me._

_If you want that, please tell me. The same goes for if you don't. I can wait, but please don't leave me in the dark about how you feel because you're afraid things will change in a bad way. I will always be your friend, and you will always have a place in my life._

_Love,_

_Stiles'_

_Derek had to swallow against a lump of emotion in his throat. Stiles' ADHD often prevented him from choosing the appropriate words to voice his thoughts. A lot of people took that to mean that he wasn't smart or deep or mature enough for their tastes. He was though. Stiles was brilliant, and he felt things on such an intense level that was overlooked by people not willing to take the time to get to know the young man under the random babbling and restless movements. Stiles had really exposed his feelings in this card. Derek looked at the box again. It was just red wrapping paper and white ribbon, simply prepared. Derek slowly pulled it away to reveal a plain white box with a jeweler's name on it. He opened the box with hands that were shaking just a little. He knew what he'd see before he actually saw it. Inside was a silver anchor pendent, simple yet beautiful, exactly to his taste. It came on a sturdy matching chain. He stared at that silver anchor for most of the night._

It had been over a month since then. It was a week into February and Derek still hadn't come up with an answer. It wasn't fair. It wasn't fair that Stiles returned his feelings, his hopes, and wasn't an anchor for him in return. How could he have that effect on Stiles and not feel that same way? It was so close too. Stiles made him feel safe and trusted, needed and wanted. He felt like part of the pack, like family. Stiles was someone he could take care of, yet count on for care in return when he needed it. Stiles was almost everything an anchor needed to be.

The only problem was that Derek didn't feel grounded with him. He felt wild. It was a struggle to keep contained when Stiles was around, Derek's baser desires threatening to override his judgement. He hadn't felt like that since puberty, struggling through his first full moons before getting a good grip on his anchor, his family. Now, Derek had someone who might be perfect for him in every way, but as an individual, Stiles just didn't ground him to his humanity. In spite of what Stiles had said in the letter, Derek couldn't bring himself to tell him that. It wasn't just about possibly losing his friendship, it was about how much he would hate himself for breaking Stiles' heart. He hadn't even been able to touch the pendant from the guilt he felt over dragging this out.

Derek looked up at the calendar on his kitchen wall. Valentine's Day was in two days, and all the paired off pack members had big plans for the weekend it happened to fall on. He knew Stiles would be spending it alone, just like New Year's, still holding out hope that Derek would show up and tell him yes, let's try and have a deep and meaningful relationship together. His large, empty house suddenly felt stifling. He got up from the table, his breakfast forgotton. He got on his shoes and jacket and headed out for a walk. He paid no attention to where he was going, lost in his thoughts. He ended up in town, by the hospital. He glanced up at a sign, some advertisement and froze. For a moment, he just stared at it like it was the only thing in the world. Then, he had a revelation. Snapping back to life, he took off running. He had some planning to do.

* * *

Stiles got home late Saturday evening. He'd been at the library until they closed. Because of what day it was, he'd practically had the place to himself. He'd gotten a ton of work done, because he was in desperate need of a distraction. It was Valentine's Day, and it was one more day since Stiles had bared his soul to Derek on Christmas Eve. He hadn't said yes to Stiles, but he hadn't said no either. It gave him hope, but he also felt lonely. Derek had put some space between them, and he hadn't seen much of him lately. It made Stiles remember what he'd been afraid of; rejection, and the possible end of anything, even friendship between them. He tried to shake off those negative thoughts and headed up to his room. He'd come home for the weekend, but he'd have the house to himself. His dad was with Melissa McCall, finally! It would always be a little weird to see his dad with anyone other than his mom, but Melissa was an amazing woman and if she made his dad happy, it was worth it.

He got to his room and dropped his backpack on the bed, almost crushing a small box and card sitting on his pillow. He froze as he recognized his name written in Derek's hand. He picked up the card first, pulling it out of the envelope and looking at the card inside. It wasn't a Valentine's Card, but one for any occasion, just like he'd given Derek for Christmas. It had a picture of a stormy sea on it. Stiles opened the card and began reading.

_'Stiles,_

_I know I've made you wait a long time for this, but it's taken me some soul searching to figure out the answer to your question. And since I'm no good with words, I figured I'd follow your example and write it down. I didn't know how to say it, but while you consider me an anchoring presence in your life, I don't feel exactly the same way about you. Before you feel upset about that, please let me explain. Two days ago, I was walking through town, trying to figure out how to tell you that. Then I saw something that made me remember something my mother told me when I was a kid._

_I hardly ever saw my parents fight. I think it actually happened pretty often, but they never let us see it so they wouldn't worry us. One time though, I heard arguing. I don't remember what it was about, but I remember coming out onto the porch and seeing my dad take off into the woods. I'd never seen anything like this happen with my parents, and I was scared. I asked my mom what what wrong, and she took me back into the house. A lot of the details are fuzzy, but I remember exactly what she told me._

_"Your dad drives me crazy sometimes. I love him, but I think he forgets that he's not the alpha sometimes." When I asked her what she meant by that, she_ _told me, "Being mates doesn't automatically make us agree on everything. Your dad's a good man, but sometimes he gets me more riled up than the full moon." I remember how much that confused me; I thought he was my mom's anchor, and vice versa. She told me, "An anchor is essential to a werewolf's life, but it's not the only thing. A life isn't complete with only stable things. To really live, you need a little excitement too. Your dad is my mate, and as part of the pack, he does help ground me, but he also helps me break loose when I need to." I tried to ask her more, but all she would tell me then was that I'd understand when I was older. I was just relieved that my parents weren't about to split, and I kind of forgot about it._

_Two days ago, I realized what she meant by that. See, when we first met, the effect you had on me was nothing like how an anchor should feel. You make me feel wild and almost out of control. The moments when my wolf was closest to the surface was always in your presence. I thought it was a bad thing, and at the time it may have been true. I used anger as my anchor back then, and as unstable as that could be, you getting me riled up made it worse. Things changed though. I got a pack, and though it didn't turn out like I intented, I still have one. They ground me, and when I lump you in with the rest of them, you do to. Sometimes, thinking of you helps too, knowing that you're a constant reliable presence in my life, but otherwise, the feelings you cause me are not what an anchor should. You make me feel like taking off running through the woods, or howling in broad daylight. I want to do wild things to make you pay attention to me. Part of the reason this was so confusing for me was because I wanted to be close to you in spite of the test on my control. I knew you couldn't be bad if I felt that way in spite of the effect you have on me. It took remembering that moment from my childhood to make things clear to me._

_There are a lot of reasons I like you. You are someone I can safely confide in without seeming weak. You will tell me when you think I'm wrong, and fight to make me change my mind when it matters. You are brave, loyal, and true to your convictions. And now I can accept the way you make me feel on an instinctive level because I understand what I'm feeling. What my mom was telling me back then was that being alive and living are not the same thing. You need an anchor to stay alive, but you need something more to really live. Open the box now_.

Stiles set down the card, pulled open the box with shaky fingers and felt his breath catch. Sitting inside the box was a silver lifesaver. He ran a finger over it, feeling his eyes well up. He remembered that there was still more in the card and picked it up again.

_'I was going by the hospital when I saw that symbol on a sign, and I just knew. From the moment we met, you've tested my control, and it's not a bad thing. I felt that way because I was yearning to really live again. My pack is my anchor, and like an anchor on a ship, it keeps me in place and prevents me from drifting away and getting lost in my wild side. It's a reason for staying alive. You do the opposite. That wild feeling you give me? That's me wanting to enjoy my life again, to run and laugh and just have fun. In the past couple years, at the darkest moments, I had my pack to keep me from losing control and keep fighting to stay alive. But you kept me from just going through the motions and made me try to make that life worth something._

_My pack keeps me stable and prevents me from losing myself to a feral life, but you are what keeps me from going under and drowning in all the bad memories and feelings that almost overwhelm me and drag me down sometimes. You make me want to live my life to the fullest and not let my past dictate my future. You've been there all this time, holding my head above the water, figuratively and literaly. The pack is my anchor, but you are my lifesaver. You balance things out for me so that I'm not just existing. I'm sorry I've made you wait for me this long, but if you'll still have me, I'm ready for what you asked for in your card. And what you said goes both ways; I'll always be your friend and you'll always have a place in my life. Thanks for saving it._

_Derek'_

Stiles couldn't stop a few tears from making it out when he read that last part. He set the box and the card down and grabbed his phone. He needed to talk to Derek right now. Before his shaking fingers could even touch his contacts list, there was a tapping sound on his window. He looked up right into Derek's eyes. He rushed over to the window and pulled it open. He moved back and Derek climbed into the room. He came to a stop directly in front of Stiles and reached down to get the necklace off the bed where Stiles had set it. He pulled it out of the box and gently fastened it around Stiles' neck. Then he pulled his own necklace out of his pocket and handed it to Stiles. Stiles got the message and took it from him, returning the gesture. Then, Derek leaned forward and kissed Stiles gently, deepening it when Stiles moved in closer to him and they wrapped their arms around each other. Derek broke the kiss and touched his forehead to Stiles'.

"Happy Valentine's Day, Stiles." He whispered. Stiles just smiled back at him, then glanced meaningfully toward the bed. There would be time for talking later. He had other things in mind.

Later that night, Stiles was out light, cuddled up to Derek who was still awake and watching Stiles. They were both bare except for the necklaces they'd exchanged. Stiles looked so peaceful, just like he'd said in his card. Derek on the other hand could feel wild joy continuing to run through him. He'd finally taken the risk and was getting what he wanted. He could barely remember ever feeling so happy. He'd found his mate, the person who helped balance him perfectly. Because they did balance each other. He was the anchor and Stiles was the livesaver. They were exactly what the other needed.

For the first time in a long time, Derek fell asleep with no worries, no stress or fear. Just contentment and hope for the days to come.

* * *

Okay, first Sterek story finished. I hope you guys liked it and will let me know what you think. And to the people who followed my Star Trek and Avengers stories, if you're reading this, I can't apologize enough for going this long without giving you anything. At first I just lost my motivation to write, and then some stuff with my daily life started getting rough. But things are getting better now and I promise I'm trying. Please don't give up on me.


End file.
